Psalm 19

I'm pretty sure that there isn't a moment that goes by when I don't do something that dishonors God, even when I fail to realize it.  So I often times say a blanket "Please forgive me" wondering if that really cuts it.  Well, guess what?!? I think it does!  David did it too! "How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?Cleanse me from these hidden faults."  I don't feel so bad now.  :)

The last 2 verses are the cry of my heart.  "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, Oh Lord, My Rock and my Redeemer."  I want the people in my sphere of influence to know that I care; that my words are genuine and are filled with grace.  Even when they come with correction, I pray they are never abusive, but always encouraging. 

I had about a 30 minute skype call with my young, "Psalmphonic" friend last night.  Her heart was so heavy and trouble by many things.  I found myself struggling to find words of encouragement and comfort.  So instead, there was a moment of silence.  She didn't say anything, and I let go of the need to speak - it was just 2 friends, in the same room, sharing emotions.  It...was...profound.  Many times, people are afraid of the silent moments because they feel akward.  Sometimes, though, silence is all that is needed. 
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My Jesus, My Savior, Lord there is none like You!  All of my days, I want to praise the wonders of your mighty love.  My comfort, my shelter, tower of refuge and strength.  Let every breath, all that I am  - never cease to worship you...

Thank you for an amazing day.  Thank you that my body is on the mend.  Please continue to set things right.  Lord, thank you so much for my friend.  She is so special to me.  Her heart is so troubled right now - please bring her comfort, and understanding.  She is doing her best to seek you in your word - please meet her where she is.  Give her guidance and assurance that you're with her. 

I love you, Lord.  May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you, my Rock and my Redeemer.  AMEN

Days 16-17

Last night I felt a little like death warmed over.  This cold has zapped me of almost all my energy.  So I came home last night from teaching, barely ate, and went to bed.  As I was laying there under layers of clothes and blankets - I remembered that I still needed to read my psalm.  So I asked my brother to bring me my iPod, and I got to use my newly downloaded NLT version of the bible.  Psalm 16 was awesome; my favorite verse was 1: "Keep me safe, Oh God, for I have come to you for refuge..."  Even in my sickess - I could feel God wrap his arms around me.

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Over the last couple of days, I have felt attacked.  People are generally resistant to change, but adapt after a short time.  However, there are some who are dead set against trying anything new, or even giving a fair chance to the new kid on the block (that would be me).  To be judged on things that I have little control over, without even trying to learn about me, or God forbid, try to help me - breaks my heart.  However, I am very thankful that this category of people are small...very small.  I am so grateful for those who are not judgmental; who have welcomed me with an open mind and an open heart - and for some, even open arms.

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Keep me safe, Oh God, for I have come to you for refuge...Lord, Please heal my body, take away the pain, put things back the way they should be.  Teach me how to keep things working properly.  Lord, thank you for those who support me.  I love you! AMEN

Day 14

I just finished reading my 14th Psalm in a row.  Tonight, it felt a little like I was 'just going through the motions',  because nothing really 'spoke' to me tonight.  I'm sincerely hoping that it's just the sickness talking.  On the other hand, I think there will be times when nothing is spoken directly to my heart, and while I hope one day that might change - i think for right now...that's ok.  For me, at this stage - it's just important that I keep reading and work hard on not getting behind.  I know myself, if I let one day go by...then another will go - the next thing I know...it's been a week since I've read.  Then I feel so guilty for not ready, that I can't bring myself to open up the bible and pick up where I left off.  2 and a half years later...  well, lets just say that my young, Psalmphonic Journey friend has helped me get back into the word, and onto the right path. 

I think with each passing day, the flashlight I started with gets more powerful, and the area of light it casts gets bigger and bigger.  I will continue to sojourn onward...taking small strides in my walk of faith. 

~To my young friend - I love you.  Thank you for nudging me forward, and allowing me to be apart of your life.  It is truly a great joy that I take.
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Lord,
"You are so good to me, You heal my broken heart, you are my Father in Heaven."  I am finding that You are filling my thoughts more and more.  It's been a long while since that's happened.  It made me smile when I was with a group of new friends today, and a worship song game on, and they all started singing!  How wonderful it was to be in the company of family. 

Please continue to take over my heart.  Less of me; more of you!  "All of you, is more than enough for all of me, for everything thirst and every need.  You satisfy me with your love..."  Thank you for this day; for each blessing and each challege.  I love you! AMEN

Psalm 13

I almost forgot to read tonight.  I was getting ready to curl up under 3 blankets with an over stuffed teddy bear, trying desparately to break a fever, when I re-read a card I received in the mail today from a wonderful, young friend.  She and I are reading through the book of Psalm - one each day.  The line in her card said this "Psalms is going to be auhmazing." 

Psalms has been amazing.  for 13 consecutive days, I've been in the word of God.  Tonight's Psalm is one of my favorites for 2 reasons.  First - David's raw emotion and heartfelt cry to God is beautiful.  Sometimes I feel like this - like God is so far away, or that God has just left me to fend for myself. 

The 2nd reason is the last 2 verses, and all because of the first word..."but"...  Basically David is saying, "even though You feel distant, Lord.  Even though it seems like You've forgotten me. Regardless of my feelings...I trust, I will rejoice, I will sing..."  HOW AMAZING!!!!
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Thank you for today, even though I'm sick.  Thank you for the awesome lunch I had with a new and wonderful friend!!!  Thank you for the card I got in the mail today.  Please, Lord, heal my bod tonight, so i can teach tomorrow morning.  Keep all my students safe and healthy.  I love you!  I TRUST, I WILL REJOICE, I WILL SING!!!! Amen

Psalm 12

Today was incredible!  Unfortunately, I'm feelin a little...blah!  I almost forgot to read my psalm, and then when I remembered...I didn't really want to.  My Nyquil is kickin in - and my eyes need to be pried open with toothpicks! 

But once I read this...Man this hit me like a ton of bricks!  This psalm, even from thousands of years ago, so accurately describes the world today.  Don't believe me...just watch the news or read the paper.  Take half an hour and watch people in the mall - it's straight on!  It makes me sad to thinking about, and even more so because I do it too! 
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Lord,
Help me to deeply care about those whose path I cross.  Help me to not be deceitful, or spiteful.  Lord, Thank you for such a great day today.  I hope that You'll shine brightly in all that I do.  I love you!  You are my Shepherd, I will want for nothing! AMEN

Psalm 10

Hoo-wee!  David doens't exactly beat around the bush, now does he?!?  There is no doubt how he'd feelin toward people who don't want anything to do with God.  Sometimes...I think David is a little TOO harsh for my tastes - but that usually because my heart says David's talking about me.  I'm learning to love God more and more each day, but sometimes - if truth be told - I really think like this: “God isn’t watching us!
      He has closed his eyes and won’t even see what we do!” or "God will never call us to account.”
I sure am glad that His mercies and compassions are new for me each and every day.  Without that assurance, I'd be in heap big trouble. 
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Lord,
Thank you for being so good to me.  I don't deserve it, at all!  You've allowed me to 'work' in an amazing town, doing what I love - with people who are awesome!!  Who could ask for more than that?  Please help me to be and do my best each day - for not only myself, but also for my students and friends. 

Somtimes it's hard for me to not feel forgotten by those friends that I moved away from...especially when we don't talk as much as we used to.  But I have to trust that if You intend for me to keep  the friendship - You'll make a way.  In the meantime, Father - ease the ache in my heart,because right now - I'm missing a lot of people.  On the other hand - You are blessing me with other wonderful friends.  Help me to be a good friend, mentor, and teach to them.  Help me to be 'friendable."

Thank you again for allowing me to be right here, right now, with those who are here.  I love you, Lord - and I lift my voice to worship you, oh my soul rejoice!!" AMEN

...Psalm 9...

Lord - my heart aches tonight for many reasons; all of which you know!  Please help me to keep you at the forefront of my day, to not get discouraged by things that are outside of my control.  Give me the strength and courage to make good decisions, and the wisdom to know what those good and right decisions are. 

I read through Psalm 9, Father - these were the only verses my heart could grasp: "I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done. ² I will be filled with joy because of you.
      I will sing praises to your name, O Most High."

You've been so good to me when I least deserved it.  "I will praise you, Lord my God - even in my brokenness, I will praise you Lord."

AMEN

Psalm 8

I was just talking with a great friend of mine about some of the struggles she and I have in common.  Something she said to me made me giggle, but was so true: "We are too small to screw up God's plans."  I can't tell you how much better I felt after that.  Then I read Psalm 8:3-4: "When I look at the night sky and see the work of your fingers—the moon and the stars you set in place—what are mere mortals that you should think about them, human beings that you should care for them?" 

In comparison to the universe, we are so small...but to God - we are so important and loved.  HOW AMAZING!!!  He gives us charge over all the earth, to tend and care for.  I'm just not sure why He would trust me to care for anything.

This Psalm is one of praise: "Oh Lord, oh Lord - Your majestic name fills the earth."  It kind of reminds me of the end of The Neverending Story when Sebastian screams into the night the empress' new name.  The qualities of the Lord, both visible and invisible, are seen in nature - His name fills the earth.    That's powerful. 
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Lord,
It was so good to be in Your house today!  We sang songs for you - did you like them?  Thank you for Jamie and the friendship we have.  She has been such an incredible blessing.  Thank you for her encouragement and reassurance.

I love this Psalm.  I can just see a young shepherd sitting on a rock, gazing into the night sky - singing this song of praise to you. How beautiful that must have been?!  How I long to worship you like that - with complete abandon.  I can remember a young girl, sitting on a cement bench on a cold winter's night, gazing up into the heavens - pouring out her heart in a journal; softly singing worship songs to you.  Sometimes I long to be that young girl again, but at the same time...I've learned so much over the years. 

Lord...I LOVE you - and I lift my voice to worship you, oh my soul rejoice...Thank you for this time.  In Jesus name - AMEN

Psalm 7

I love David, er, King David that is!  He went from a shepherd boy (youngest son and least loved of his father), to annointed King of Israel. However, he had to wait many years before he actually took the throne.  He was on the run for his life from King Saul (who was a little touched in the head).  God knew David's life history before any of it happened.  He know that while David was king, he would commit adultery, lie and murder - and still God called him a man after His own heart, and annointed him to be king.  WHAT!?!  That blow's my miund!!  God saw something in David; something special. 

Psalms, to me, are honest conversations with an Almighty God - that we get to evesdrop on.  The same is true for psalm 7.  David is basically saying "Daddy, these guys are pickin' on me...get'em!"  I believe with all my heart that God takes joy in our honesty.  Whether it be angry, worship, sadness, grief, love, honor...whatever - David wasn't afraid to express it. 

But I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the very last line of the psalm.  Regardless of the outcome of anything in the previous 16 verse, the last one says it all: "I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High." Whew!  David doesn't say "If God comes through for me, then I will..."  He says confidently and plainly: I will...
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Almighty God,
Thank you for the life of King David - who I have found to be very much like me.  I want to be remembered not as a great teacher, student, friend, wife or mother, but as a woman after Your own heart.  I long for there to be a quiet grace within me that allows me to be a conduit for Your love. 

For so long, I didn't even know how to rebuild my relationship with you.  A friend said that I should just read Your word.  But even that seemed too confusing because I didn't know where, when or how to start.  Now, I understand that anywhere in Your word is sufficient if done with an open and willing heart.  Over the last few days, I can feel my heart bending toward you; longing to be with You, sing for You...worship you!  It's been so long since I've felt or even desired that!  It's not about religious duty...it's about the relationship.  Just like building friendships; the more time you spend with them, the better you get to know them - the same is true for you!  I've been a horrible friend...and I'm deeply sorry.  I have done to you what I feared would be done to me...I'd forgotten you. 

"I want to know You.  I want to hear Your voice.  I want to know you more!"  Thank you for this time.  Thank you for those you are placing in my care.  Give me the courage and knowledge to teach them confidence, and to lead them with humility.  Only you can teach me that.  I love you!  In Jesus' Name - AMEN!

A New Year to LIVE

It never fails, on New Year's Eve - I hear and see people talking about needing to make drastic changes; resolving to ________ (fill in the blank).  I even find myself getting caught up in the "it's a new year, it's time for a new me" throng.  But, by the time February comes (often faster than I'd wanted), my unwaivering resolve has disolved. 

Instead of making lofty 'resolutions' - I just want to...LIVE!  When I asked a general question about goals for 2011, a friend of mine said she wanted "to enjoy every second of it."  Me too!  I have the greatest opportunity to finally do something that I truly enjoy every day, and I really want to enjoy it. 

I've spent many years allowing people and circumstance to steal parts of my life, and often times draining my energy and emotions.  I spent even more years allowing myself to steal parts of my life; being my own worst enemy and critic. 

NO MORE!  I don't want to merely exist, I want to live.  I want to build solid relationships, to show grace, to teach and to learn, to love and be loved, to be confident but humble, to serve...to be different and out of the ordinary.  I want to LIVE!

If the mercies of the Lord are new for me each morning, why shouldn't I extend the same to myself?  If the Lord can forgive me, why can't I forgive myself?  If, knowing all that there is to know about me, the Lord can still love me and call me His beloved, why can't I learn to love me too?  The answer: I CAN and I WILL! 

Here's to a New Year to LIVE!!!

Psalm 6

Well, it's here: the beginning of a brand new year.  2010 was an interesting but good year overall.  I am hopeful; however, that 2011 will be even better.  I'm beginning my dream career, in a town that I am learning to really like.  I've met some really good people, and have made a few really great friends.  Do I still miss my Tallahassee friends and family?  Of course!  I think of them every day!  But change is good, and right now - change is a big part of my reality. 

In my own journey of travelling through a psalm each day, one thing I like about all 150 of them, and especially in Psalm 6 is that David is R-E-A-L!!  Whatever he was feeling, he talked about it with God.  From being thankful to being spiteful to being completely broken...David expressed it all. 

Sometimes I forget that God wants to be apart of every aspect of our lives, from the largest to the smallest. 
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Amazing Father -
Thank you for the year that has past, and thank you for a new one ready to begin.  Please help  me to walk in a way that pleases you.  Help me to come to you with each part of my life, not just the parts that i think are 'clean' enough or 'big' enough for the Almighty.  You want all of me, no matter what!  Thank you for these last 6 days.  Reading your word has struck a spark again, and I find myself wanting to come home to read with you.  I do love you, Lord - Please accept this 'flashlight' as worship to you!  AMEN