Psalm 5

If I have read this Psalm before in its entirety, I don't remember it - and what a shame.  This is a really good one!

Within the last 2 months: I quit a stable job with good pay and benefits, moved from a place I'd been in for over 10 years, left my friends, and moved over 7 hours away from my family...all for what?  To fulfill a dream I've had for 12 years: to manage a martial arts school of my own.  There is no greater desire of mine than to run a successful business according to God's plan.  I love what David says in verse 8: "Lead me in the right path, O Lord, or my enemies will conquer me.   Make your way plain for me to follow."  That is such a loud cry of my heart - to walk each day in the way God would have for me. 

The other thing that I really love are the last 2 verses:
 "But let all who take refuge in you rejoice;
      let them sing joyful praises forever.
   Spread your protection over them,
      that all who love your name may be filled with joy.
  For you bless the godly, O Lord;
      you surround them with your shield of love."

A shield of Love...I wonder what that looks/feels like.  I kind of get the impression that these last 2 lines are a prayer, not for himself, but for others.  I think its beautiful.  I wish I had the courage and faith to pray this for those around me.  Not really sure what stops me, really.
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Lord,
These last 5 days have been busy but wonderful!  I've begun to feel my heart beat again.  Please make your way clear to me, so I can walk boldly - teaching others how to do the same.  I love to feel the shield of love David talks about; if I am seen to be godly in any way - it is because of You, and nothing that i am or have done. 

My spirit longs to find a place where I can worship freely, but I admit...I am afraid.  Lord, please take away that fear so I can find a community of believers who will love and accept me for me, and where I might be of service.  Please heal the wounds that lie deep within.  I don't want that pain seaping into potentially wonderful relationships. 

"When I think about You, Lord; how you saved me, how you raised me, how you filled me up with the Holy Ghost, how you healed me to the uttermost...It makes me wanna shout, HALLELUJAH!"  You have been so good to me.  You have given me friends, and a family who is willing me mentor me and who wants me to be successful.  You've blessed me with great students.  Who am i that you are mindful of me?

Thank you!  As this year comes to an end, I am looking forward to what the next year holds.  Grant me the courage and perseverance to walk each day with You.  I love you, Lord - and I lift my voice to worship you - oh my soul rejoice!  AMEN

Psalm 4

I'm not even really sure where to begin...

I'm sitting on my couch with the TV quietly musing in the background.  My brain is completely fried, my body totally sore, and I'm doing everything short of using toothpicks to hold my eyes open.  It has been a very busy and emotional couple of days.  Some great friends and mentors came in town to visit and help with some academy maintenance.  It was so good to see them, and I hated seeing them go. 

However, I have discovered a wonderful new friendship which has been like the warm sunshine on a very cold and windy Foley, AL day. 

Out of all 8 verses of Psalm 4, there is only one that brings a calmness to my spirit tonight: verse 7 -
"You have given me greater joy that those who have abundant harvests of grain or new wine..."  In biblical times, the abundance of the harvest was such a pivotal time for the community - and often determined the sustainability of the upcoming year.  A new wine meant a "par-tay," a time to celebrate and have a good time.  David was a shepherd by trade; he new the importance of abundance and the joy of festivities - and he's saying that God gives him a greater joy than that!

How I long to be in that place, where there is no greater joy than God.  "Better is one day in Your courts, better is one day in Your house.  Better is one day in Your courts, than thousands else where." 
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Father,
I wonder, often, if my heart will ever beat for you like it once did.  I wonderful if my walk will, one day, be stronger than ever.  Sometimes I think it is so impossible.  My heart struggles each day and it is filled with so many conflicting emotions - I can barely feel straight!  I want things to be made right; I want you to be my greatest joy!  Lord, please help me.  AMEN.

Psalm 3

Man, today was a busy; busier than I've had in a long while.  A team of amazing people have been helping me to rejuvenate the TaeKwonDo school I just started managing.  I think it looks amazing, and with out them - this would never have been possible.  But even more so, without the grace of God, I'd have been sunk!

Tonight's Psalm I find very fitting.  Over the course of my life, I've many who have stood against me in some form or fashion; trying to dictate my success and in some cases, enducing my failure.  But over the that same course, God has been my shield and my glory.  He has been, and is the lifter of my head when shame and guilt keep me from raising it myself.  Each night I've gone to sleep, and each morning I've awakend - His mercies being made new each day.  All of the blessings that have come, have been because God is good; and gives good gifts to those whom He loves.  I may not understand the why, or how - but He is good nonetheless. 

Those who have been called by His name according to His purpose have been equipped for ministry.  Some are created for ministry in a church, others in sports, business, non-profit service or in the home.  Mine is a ministry of teaching and encouraging through the art and grace of martial arts.  I love what I do!

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Lord,
You have blessed me beyond what I could have ever fathomed and during a time when my heart was captured by the world.  Thank you!  Thank you for not who I am or will be, but thank you for who You are.  Please continue to bless this time I have with You.  Bless KC as she reads your word tonight.  Tonight made me smile when my body was shutting down, and all I wanted was to crawl in your lap and read Psalms.  That's not happened in a long time.  :)  Thank you for this 2nd chance - please accept these baby steps as worship.  I love you, Lord and I lift my voice to worship you, Oh my soul rejoice.  AMEN.

Psalm 2

There are parts of Psalm 2 that are a  little difficult for me to understand.  Perhaps the first 2 stanzas (verses 1- 9) weren't meant for my understanding tonight - and that's ok.  However, verses 10-12 rang a little louder than I would have liked, especially after some thought probing converstation with my Psalmphonic Phriend. 

As a brand new business owner, I took these 3 verses as a guidance warning to myself.  I've been placed in a position of leadership and authority, and I always want to lead with grace, honor and love but also as a Godly woman.  Tonight, this is was heart took away from the last 3 verses:  "Courtney, be careful to serve the Lord fearfully and be excited to do so.  Worship the Son, build the relationship with Him so as not to hurt Him, or cause anger.  If you allow Him to guard you, in every way, then you'll be blessed."

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Gracious Lord,
I want to serve you with all that I am, and I want your grace to determine every course of action.  Help me to be fearful and to Kiss the Son.  I know that I've broken your heart, and I'm sorry.  I want to work everyday toward getting to know you, and rebuilding the relationship i once had with you to be stronger than ever.  Thank you for these precious times I have with KC.  Here genuine innocence and love for you is so refreshing.  I hope that her qualities will rub off on me too!  i love you.  AMEN

Psalm 1

Someone who delights in the law of the Lord and who meditates on it is blessed.  Someone who walks with the wicked and the wrong doers is not.  It seems pretty self-explanitory, doesn't it?  I wish I could understand why it is so hard (for me) to content abiding by God's law. 

Why would I not want to be "like a tree planted by streams of water, yeilding fruit in season and whose leaves don't wither?"  The very essence of being prosperous.  Instead, it is much more 'appealing' to stand in the way of sinners, and sit in the seat of mockers.  It seems easier to be blown in the wind like chaff.

How I long to know that God is watching of me and all I do because I have been found righteous in His sight - not by any means of my own, but because He is gracious and forgiving. 

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Lord, it has been so long - too long, since I last opened Your word.  Your voice has been echoing inside my empty heart for a long time.  Lord, please guide my reading.  Please give me enough light to stand on for this moment.  Help me to be that tree planted firmly by the stream, bearing good fruit!  Help me to grow, and inspire others; to prosper where I've been planted.  Lord...I'm sorry that I've let my love for You grow cold, and my heart become distant.  I do love you, and I lift my voice to worship you, oh my soul rejoice!

Amen

Psalmphonic Journey

Over the last few years, there has been a widening gap in my heart.  It didn't 'suddenly' appear; it was a gradual occurrence that after awhile became part of who I was.  At times, the gap was uncomfortable, lonely; however, more often than not it was a comfortable place I could hide.  But no matter how deep that gap was (is), the love of God reaches deeper still.  "I am convinced that...neither heigth nor depth...can separate us from the love of God." (Rms 8:39)

Having drifted away for so long, I feel at a loss of the what, where, how, and when of my walk with Jesus.  There was a time when things were rolling along well, and I was growing as a believer.  But those days, lately, have been very few and far between. 

Sometimes, when walking around it the dark, the best place to start is with a flash light, taking once step at a time.  So, I asked a very special young friend of mine to join me on a Psalmphonic Journey: A Psalm a Day.  This is my attempt at grabbing for a flashlight, hoping desperately to kindle the deep love I once had. 

Here I go!

Qualities of Being Real!

What is reality?  Well,, my reality right now is filled with many emotions.  This isn't always my reality, but for now - I must interact with this reality and soldier onward. 

According to dictionary.com, reality is:
re·al·i·ty

   /riˈælɪti/ Show Spelled[ree-al-i-tee] Show IPA

–noun, plural -ties for 3, 5–7.

1. the state or quality of being real.

2. resemblance to what is real.

3. a real thing or fact.

4. real things, facts, or events taken as a whole; state of affairs: the reality of the business world; vacationing to escape reality.

5. Philosophy .

a. something that exists independently of ideas concerning it.

b. something that exists independently of all other things and from which all other things derive.

6. something that is real.

7. something that constitutes a real or actual thing, as distinguished from something that is merely apparent.

 

I particularly like the very first definition: "quality of being real."  I hesitate even writing this in fear of who may read, but I feel compelled for the exact same reason.  When you pass someone on the street or in the store, you might greet them with a smile and say (out of courtesy) "how are you?"  Most people, know that the questioner rarely actually wants to know the answer to their question, so they nonchalantly answer, "I'm good, thanks."  While there are a percentage of people who actually are good the moment that you ask, I'm fairly convinced that this percentage is very small. 

 

If you asked me how I was doing, and I answered honestly...and told you I was scared, overwhelmed, thankful, excited, sad, lonely, and amazed...think about how you would react to me.  Oh how I long to be able to answer honestly to those who asked, confidently knowing that the questioner really cared how I was doing without judgment, and not merely exchanging pleasantries. 

 

When I ask a student how their day was, I genuinely want to know - even if the answer is 'bad.'  At least it's an honest answer.   

 

I know that these deep emotions will subside, but for now - they are here; I feel them; I ache; I laugh and cry.  Will I be ok?  Of course!  At this moment, they are the qualities of being real...and that's ok!